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| Middle: 'Rush Hour' sculpture by George Segal, Broadgate, London. Top and bottom: Highgate Woods. |
At midlife we are confronted with a choice- to solidify ourselves and stay the same and live life as we've always lived it, following tried and tested character strategies and routines, or we can confront the existential givens of life, face reality as it is now and 'die into life'.
We die into life when we accept our time is running out; when we make peace with our past; when we honour our parents and ancestors ("Only that which has been properly separated can be rightfully joined"); when we follow our soul's call, letting go of cherished self-views of who we are and what we should be doing.
This 'nigredo' is a dark night, a time of depression and despair. There are deep feelings of loss and bereavement. Our old way is dying, decaying. It is also pregnant with exciting radical new possibilities. There's some sense of urgency. We know this. We need to focus. Times's been called.
Eventually messages emerge out of the decomposition-
Don't wait for others to make you happy, BE HAPPY, share your happiness, forget about taking -GIVE, or if you've always given TAKE! If you've always worked-play! If you've always played -work! Don't try and change others, allow the change in yourself, and then stand upright for what you believe in. Break your habits! Break the mould! Let lead become gold. Let the alchemy do its work...and don't dilly-dally on the way!
If we trust and hold steady, allowing old phoney self forms to die and wither away we emerge stronger, more authentic, enlivened and transformed. We escape the living death that undoes so many, and our winter paradoxically also becomes our spring.
I like the way Jung describes midlife:
'From the middle of life onward, only he remains alive who is ready to die with life. For in the secret hour of life's midday the parabola is reversed, death is born. The second half of life does not signify ascent, unfolding, increase, exuberance, but death, since the end is its goal. The negation of life's fulfillment is synonymous with the refusal to accept its ending. Both mean not wanting to live; not wanting to live is synonymous with not wanting to die. Waxing and waning make one curve.'
The Structured Dynamics of the Psyche
